...but the best thing about New York City is...You and Me

I thought I'd write a quick blurb about our jaunt to NY last weekend, but no one in the world could have possibly done a better job than my Father-in-Law. Following is our Christmas trip to NY as described by Dad, hopefully he, and the rest of the family don't mind being put onto my blog. Enjoy!

-.-.- A ONE-ACT PLAY IN THREE ACTS -.-.-.-

Starring (in the order of their appearance)

- Charlie Grizwold
- Lynn Mingarelli
- Jimmy Mingarelli (as "Mingo Man")
- Paula Grizwold
- Andy and Laura Grizwold
- Penn Grizwold
- Kit Grizwold


== ACT ONE: ==

**Opens on a cluttered office somewhere in downtown Washington; Charlie Grizwold, tearing out what little hair he has left, is talking to the 27th hotel he has called that day; clutching the phone with white knuckles... beads of sweat run down the sides of his face and into his collar.**

CHARLIE : "What do you mean you don't have anything available? It's mid-October!! How can there already be no room in the inn!! December 13 is two months away!! ...Oh fine ...yeah ...I'll try Secaucus." **speaks to himself aloud ** "Just great... I've just bought six non-refundable tickets to "Stomp" and it looks like we'll have to stay in one of the hourly motels in Secaucus with the crusty bedspreads and sticky carpets!"

**Lynn Mingarelli enters stage left**

LYNN : "Secaucus? Why in the world are you going to Secaucus?" **Charlie relates his tragic tale of woe.** "No. This cannot be. You're going to New York to see a play and are planning to sleep in Secaucus?!! No one sleeps in Secaucus. Let me call my brother. He will save you from this cruel fate worse than death!"

CHARLIE : "But... no... I couldn't... I... I..."

LYNN : "Stop. If he ever found out that six of his family slept in a motel in Secaucus and no one ever called him... well, let's just say that will never happen. I'll contact him tonight."

**Next morning, Charlie sits down to his computer and opens up an email from "Mingo Man" and reads to himself --voiceover-- (Jimmy Mingarelli offstage reads:) "Charlie-- I have released the hounds. Make no reservations ANYWHERE until you hear from me. NO ONE sleeps in Secaucus on my watch! --signed Mingo Man"

**Later that day Charlie looks up into the Northern sky and sees a giant green "M" floating over Gotham City ** email chimes ** "You've got mail!
** --voiceover-- (Jimmy Mingarelli offstage reads:) "Charlie-- the hounds have returned with plentiful game. Here is your hotel : Roger Smith Hotel, 501 Lexington Ave, NYC, NY 10017. Here are your confirmation #s - I e-mailed Mr Romero and requested 2 double beds for each room if posssible or the possibility of fold down beds might be needed in each room. They have included a continental breakfast for you. I would follow up with Mr. Romero about your sleeping needs, if I were you. --Enjoy --Mingo Man"

CHARLIE : ** Looks up into the sky as the green M fades into the approaching dusk** "Holy pizzoli, Mingo Man... That's just one block from the Waldorf-Astoria!!



== ACT TWO:==

CHARLIE : "Paula... Paula... (jiggle, jiggle) Paula... time to get going... it's 5:30."

PAULA : "Mphhh glmmmph smffff mnmmm!... "

CHARLIE : "You're over-reacting. It's hardly as bad as having straight pins driven under your fingernails. Come on, Andy and Laura will be here in an hour."

PAULA : "Smrrrll wmpfff blimlimlim."

CHARLIE : "I must say, that's VERY unlady-like language!"

**Enter Andy and Laura Grizwold; Andy brandishing a pot of coffee from which Charlie pours a cup and takes a sip. If he had stuck his finger in a light socket, the shock to his nervous system would have had less effect **

CHARLIE : "Yaaaaah!! How much coffee did you brew this with!! It's chewy!!"

ANDY : "Just the usual... thirteen scoops."

** Later in the car that day **

PENN : "I'm bored. Let's play "Great Puddings I Have Known."

CHARLIE : "OK... Here's one... This pudding is smooth and creamy..."

PENN : "Vanilla!"

CHARLIE : "No... it's light brown in color..."

PENN : "Chocolate!"

CHARLIE : "No... it has a flavor rather like butterscotch..."

PENN : "Butterscotch!"

CHARLIE : "Yes!! ...that is correct!!"



== ACT THREE:==

** The Grizwolds have hit Manhattan in record time; have come around the backside of the city over the historic and insanely beautiful Brooklyn Bridge; have handed over the keys to their van (courtesy of the benevolent philanthropy of Mom and Pop Connoley who thought it might be more comfortable than the original plan of stuffing 6 adults into a station wagon) to valet parking; have deposited their luggage and done a walking tour of 5th Avenue which press of humanity and cold flesh was not unlike too many Vienna saussages in a too-small can; have come out of that teeming madhouse and into the blissfull beauty and wilderness of Central Park where skaters and carolers and muffled and mittened persons of all sizes and shapes breathed in the crisp air of dusk, hot pretzels and mulled cider; have walked back to the hotel to change for their theater experience and subway ride to Astor Place and the delightful charm of an evening in Greenwich Villiage. == Tickets have been picked up it's an hour before the curtain goes up and the Grizwolds pace and wait for Kit Grizwold to show. == As the time draws nearer and nearer, Charlie Grizwold walks to the end of the block and looks far into the next block catching one brief glimpse of a very tall person in a wool jacket (open of course) and a red shirt.**

CHARLIE : (speaking to himself) "It's Kit... I'd know that walk anywhere... and the open jacket since it's 27 degrees. Hmmm... there's a stick out place there... maybe I can get to it before he does and let him pass and then come up behind him... Uh-oh... not enough time... I'll just pull my hat down over my head... stuff my hands in my pockets and... Yep, those are his feet alright."

**Charlie Grizwold starts walking closer to Kit; Kit starts to side step; Charlie sidesteps with him; Kit sidesteps some more; so does Charlie; **COLLISION** Charlie reaches around Kit, pawing at his shoulder**

NOW...

In order for you to fully appreciate what happens next, you must understand that since Charlie was COMPLETELY dressed in black and his face was TOTALLY obliterated from Kit's view and New York is usually where you want to go in
order to be shot, stabbed or bludgeoned for pocket change, you will not be surprised to hear Kit deliver the following line with a most visceral and prehistoric vehemence:

KIT : "GET THE (FUDGE) OFF ME!!!!!"

...only he didn't say 'fudge' ...he said the Mother of all cuss words ...the Monarch of the glen ...THE WORD that easily makes up three-fourths of a sailor's vocabulary

CHARLIE : "Kit... Kit... it's your dad. Don't hit me."

And I don't believe I would have blamed him if he did.

This was great visit to Gotham and when we got home I asked Penn, "What was your favorite thing about New York and what was your least favorite?"

He said "All of it, and none of it."

I would have to agree.

Just a little bit Special

That's right! Tonight we're going to see Stephen Lynch at the Rams Head. He's been one of my favorites every since I saw his special on Comedy Central. Beautiful songs turn into naughty jokes as he works his way towards his punchline.

Should be a great show!

There is nothing that hasn't already been thought of

A while ago I was reading Mighty Girl and she wrote about Maneki Neko. Or Japanese lucky cats. This is what they look like. Maybe you've spotted one in a restaurant or elsewhere and just assumed it was a cute little figurine. Apparently they're popular enough in Japan to have caught Disney's attention. As I poked around the internet today (it's a REALLY slow day) I encountered this particular form of Maneki Neko.

If only we'd had a camera

Last night we had a fire in our fireplace, first one of the season. Wasps tend to nest in our chimney over the summer, and the first fire usually smokes them out. Last night was no different and we had a few of the unwelcome guests. Mostly they were half dead from the cold and smoke, but one lively little fellow came flying out of the chimney. Straight onto my head.

I tried shaking it off, I tried to flick it out. Nothing worked. So what else could I do? Run to the bottom of the stairs and scream at the top of my lungs for Andy. To get down here. NOW!!!!

My hero came. And got the pest off my scalp, and then sent the poor (yet very annoying) creature to a watery grave.

After it was over I thought about how silly I must've looked running around the basement, clutching a strand of hair shouting "Get it out! Get it OUT!!!"

If we'd had a video camera that just might have won us the $10,000.

I think I just made out with a couple of dogs

While my Grandmother and sister are out enjoying the wonders of Australia, Andy and I are babysitting their pug, Penny. Penny's a very sweet dog, but hasn't had much training. To help correct this I went out and bought her a harness. It works great, but getting it on her involves a bit of manuvering. Add in the fact that my dog Arrow is incredibly jealous and it makes for a fun mix.

The other morning I was leaning over to slip the harness over Penny's head in preparation for a walk. Keep in mind that if I go within 50 feet of her, Arrow has to come over to see what's up. As I leaned down Penny decided NOW is the time be affectionate, and jumped and licked me square on the lips. In the meantime Arrow had run over to see what the fuss was about and chose the exact same moment to reach over and lick me in the ear.

Maybe I should start selling my perfume as "Eau du kibble."

Food that we neither need, nor will wear well

That about says it all. I'm still looking forward to a big plate of turkey with all the trimmings though!

All gone

My grandmother and sister left Saturday to go to Australia. They're taking a nice two week vacation to include visiting my folks who have been there for about 3 years now. Kind of scary to think about it though. A very large chunk of my immediate family is a good 30 hour trip away.

They'll be spending Thanksgiving at Ayres Rock (Uluru), maybe with a little Thanksgiving kangaroo, or crocodile. Or maybe just a hamburger, but topped with a fried egg and slice of beet, the way the Aussies like it.

I don't think I'll join them in any of those special treats, but I will eat their share of turkey for them while they're gone.

They really do exist

I thought Southpark made them up. But oh no, there really is a Swiss Colony Beef Log.

Oh no!

My car got it's first scratch. Well, more of a scrape. And it was my fault. I cut a turn too sharp and brushed against one of those yellow metal poles.

SIGH

You know you've been out of the dating pool a long time when...

You walk through a bar and a guy watches you go by. And instead of wondering if he thinks you're cute, you wonder if you've got something hanging from your nose.

How geeky are you?

Ever wanted to test it? Now you can with The Geek Test.

I was a "Total Geek"

And no, I won't tell you what answers I checked.

A good morning

I have my Cheez-its, I have my cream soda.

Pretty Shiny things

I WANT something and I just can't figure out what it is. Sometimes a big juicy hamburger will solve the problem. Other times a hot fudge sundae.

Right now I just need something pretty and shiny. Or maybe soft and girly.

Either way, I think a shopping trip is in order.

What's that you say God?

You're not too happy about this movie?

Wouldn't have to tell me twice.

What ever happened to those?

A guy at my office just came over and made a joke about Parkay. Remember those commercials? Butter...Parkaaaayy

And the NTW jingle. It was insipid and stuck in your head, but you always remembered it. (NTW 3000 tires one should fit. NTW because for tires we are it.) And back when CVS was People's Drug? And it's 3 note song, which they tried to carry over with the name change and it just didn't work.

Is this how you start irritating your children? I can't tell you the number of times I rolled my eyes as my folks described some long lost advertising campaign. "Mooooommmm I don't caaaaarrrreeee."

I guess it all comes around. And I don't know who coined it but it's certainly true "The older I get the smarter my parents become."

I lovermont

So the trip to Vermont was nice. Really really nice. That was my general reply to those asking at the office. Of course the lack of sleep may have had something to do with my vague generalities. I just didn't know of any other way to put it.

We started up Thursday morning and got to our B&B late Thursday evening. Settling in and meeting one of the inn keepers took what was left of the evening. The room was a decent size, clean and cozy and warm. We had to share a bathroom with the neighbors, but luckily that first night, no neighbors were coming in, so we could really make ourselves at home with worrying about making sure the shampoo was out of the shower.

Friday morning we woke early and headed down to the delicious smells in the dining room. Lemon and Ricotta stuffed pancakes with real Vermont maple syrup, and fruit cup with yogurt....YUM! After that we headed out for a fun filled day of eating. We drove some terrific little back roads and saw some incredible scenery. Discovered that Montpelier is a very small mountain town, despite the fact that it's the state capital. Granted Annapolis is no metropolis, but it made Montpelier look like, well, a backwoods town. We hit a lot of things on our drive. Including the Cabot Creamery, the Cold Hollow Cider Mill, the Grand View Winery, the Bragg Farm Sugar House, and naturally the obiligatory visit to Ben and Jerry's . Each place had plenty of free samples, along with a tour. No need for lunch, just keep driving to you see a sign for some sort of food shoppe. We can eat whatever they're selling!

Saturday was a little more relaxed, now that the major eating had been done. We took a gondola ride in Stowe up to the top of the ski slopes. Of course I figured it would be cold. I wasn't counting on it to be snowing. The snow already coating some of the trails was not man-made for a base. It had been laid down by Mother Nature herself. And we got to play in some of it. In October. A rarity to say the least for those of us born and raised in Maryland. Later on we toodled across to Burlington. Not quite the fun city I remembered, but a nice drive all the same. We really should have picked a different restaurant, but this was the restaurant we ate at 6 years ago when Andy came to visit during my summer at Middlebury. Nostalgia ruled, even if the food wasn't terrific. We drove around more picturesque backroads and eventually wound up in Waitsfield. According to the area map, the little town was just a few streets big. According to real life those few streets were spread out by a few miles. We hopped back in the car and drove around town. After that back to the inn where we enjoyed that evening's small drama of "The couple in the other room is talking very loudly." Actually it was just the man who seemed to be at full volume. He apparently never learned about inside and outside voices. And according to his life story that he was telling to the woman with him, his love life had not been the best. I'm not sure how it ended up for him, I fell asleep while he was discussing holistic cures, and shakras.

Sunday, our last day in Vermont was incredibly nice. The day was sunny and warmer (50 degrees vs. 40 something) and we drove down to Middlebury. I couldn't believe how much I'd forgotten. It has been 6 years, and I was only there for 7 weeks, so I guess it really shouldn't have surprised me. But the town was remarkably the same. Campus was lovely, and seemingly deserted. We had another nostalgic lunch at Mister Up's, and the food was very good. Lots of good memories.

The drive home was... long. I've discovered I greatly dislike New Jersey, and I'm not particularly fond of Delaware.

All in all it was a great trip. It's good to be home.

Behind again

Sorry loyal readers, I'm a bit behind again. A lot has been going on lately, and it's been a little overwhelming for me. But the good news is we're taking a little break. A nice long weekend in Vermont to see the leaves. Ok, and I confess, part of the choice process in selecting our bed and breakfast was it's proximity to the Ben and Jerry's factory.

Hopefully lovely stories to come. And maybe a few pictures.

Are we really that old?

I was listening to the 80's at 8 last night and Video Killed the Radio Star came on. I bopped along happily until the line "We can't rewind we've gone too far." It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew some day our kids would roll their eyes when playing this song for them, telling them all about a way of life prior to the invention of cable and MTV.

But I NEVER thought I'd have to explain the concept of rewinding to them.

Didn't I just write one of these?

Seems like I just wrote a blog about our anniversary a little while ago. I guess time goes quickly (4 years already?) when you're married to the sweetest guy there is.

Oh yeah!

And they all paid with checks. After digging through their purses, after the order had been rung up, trying to find the checkbook.

Oblivious middle-aged woman night

Ever noticed that there is a certain type of person in the grocery store, depending on what time you shop?

Late at night - usually young people (late teens, early 20's), Sunday mornings - whole families, weekdays at 5 - career types picking up dinner.

Well, Sunday evenings at my grocery store at least, appear to be for oblivious, self-absorbed 40 somethings. I walked down aisles trying to pick up a few little things (I just want a box of couscous and a couple of limes!) and everywhere I went I bumped into women meandering. Pushing their carts down the middle of the aisles, weaving side to side as they think of things they need. I got barricaded in the bakery because one woman had turned her cart sideways blocking one aisle, and as I turned around to go the other way around the table full of sourdough a woman came up with her cart and turned it sideways blocking the other direction! I had to turn completely around and go back through the cheese.

Maybe some of the free samples they were giving out last night were drugged. Because I have never seen so many people behaving the exact same way, who were approximately the same age, at the exact same time in the grocery store.

Oh dear

I'm not sure what I said in my sleep last night, but it was probably unusual. I was having a dream that my "brother" had died and I was distraught. I don't have a brother by the way. And the brother in my dream was a man I used to work with. Rather distrurbing. When I finally convinced myself to wake up, tears were streaming down my cheeks, and my pillow was soaked. I'm not really sure what all that was about, but maybe my kickboxing class last night was a little too much for me.

What's going on?

Last night we watched Joe Schmo, a completely addicting non-reality "reality show." This poor man is in a house with 7 actors who are trying desparately to convince him that everything going on is real. This is the third week we've watched, and it's like a giant practical joke that you're in on. The funniest part is watching the actors trying to stay in character or keep from laughing when some new plot twist is revealed. Matt, the main man who is the only one not in on the scheme tends to have these incredible reactions when some new "kink" occurs. He makes the greatest faces, and seems completely confused by the new wrinkles. It reminds me actually of a gag from another great show Trigger Happy TV, in which a person is walking through a hedge maze, and two people dressed up as walls from the maze slowly move closer and closer and hedge the hapless victim in. Watching Matt is like watching those people's reactions. "I know I just came this way, and yet everything has completely changed on me."

Last night, though, we actually watched this show with Andy's mom, younger brother, and grandparents. It happened to be the raunchiest episode yet. Quite a bit of male nudity, a plot twist was thrown in that two of the actors had "slept together" and were being very graphic about it. Every new little bit of potty humor that at home would have made me die laughing, was causing me to inch further and further down into my seat.

Oh well, it's still incredibly funny televsion, just now everyone thinks I have no taste.

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays

Everyone around here is edgy today. It must be a combination of Monday, the corporate auditors who are here, the new employees asking 80 million questions, the internet and email servers running slow as molasses, and just some general bad vibes.

I hope it'll clear up soon, but right now, if I get one more "Do I dial 9 with the fax machine?" from the same man who's worked here 6 months, and blatantly ignores the HUGE FREAKING SIGN hanging above the fax with instructions....someone will lose a head.

In an Izzy tizzy

Really people. We're going to have some rain for a while. And it's going to be a little gusty. Did we have to close the government, shut down the Metro, and cancel school for two days??

Barbara Manateeeeeeeeee

You're the one for me!!!!

Ok, I admit. I'm a Veggie Tales fan.

But I blame Tiggs, it's all her fault.

My, what a big bed we have!

Andy's at a conference this week and it's been a little lonely around the house. I took the day off yesterday for a dentist appointment and then had my annual cleaning frenzy. The whole house smells like some sort of cleaning fluid. Including the dog. But after a long day I settled into bed. And tossed, and turned. And scootched, and flip-flopped. Nothing seemed quite comfy. About 3 AM I woke up, for about the 5th time that evening, and found myself cold and curled into a little ball. In the middle of the bed. Sideways.

Apparently without someone else there I have no sense of direction while I sleep. Funny, I never used to have this sort of problem.

So hurry home sweetie. I don't sleep well without knowing you're here to listen to me snore.

No, I haven't fallen off the earth

Things have been busy at work, but nothing exciting enough to warrant a post. Well, there was the crazy lady that was hired 7 weeks ago and has now left the company...But unless you know the parties involved, and are interested in petty office politics, it really doesn't make for much of a story. So things are going along as normal: work, home, gym (sometimes), sleep. Interesting enough to me, but probably not to the rest of you out there. Andy already told you about our lack of power, and I think he'd probably flog me if I told you about his sleep talking the other morning.

Life goes on. We will interrupt for updates as they occur.

I prefer boysenberry more than any ordinary jam

I'm a Citizens for Boysenberry Jam fan.

My weeds are as boundless as the sea...

The more I pull the more I have! My apologies to Shakespeare.

It seems like every time I go out to pull weeds I find more and more. I pull a bunch in a little patch, turn around to throw them into the garbage bag and POOF! 8 more have appeared where I swear I had just made a clean spot. Must be all this "good rain" we've been getting.

English is a wonderful thing...let's start trying to use it

Last night as we were watching TV, an add for a toilet cleanser came on. It reported that this new product both "cleanses and fragrances." Ok, I'll buy cleanses, but "fragances" is a noun not a verb. What's next, fragranation? This product fragranates well.

Then this morning, overheard in the hallway "I don't know where he is. He's missing MIA."

We better find him then! We can't let him miss missing in action!

It had to happen sometime

My first big screw up at my new job. Doesn't really feel good. In fact it feels quite a bit like I'm going to throw up. I know it'll be ok. I know it'll work out. I know tomorrow it won't seem like such a big deal.

None of that helps at the moment though.

Wait...am I missing something?

My trash can actually. I came home last night to find the lid sitting on the ground, and no can. I went inside hoping Andy had moved it to the backyard or something like that. Nope. Gone. We walked up and down the street, we looked around the edge of the lake, no luck. I felt like we were looking for a lost cat. I felt like calling out "heerrreeee canny canny canny!"

I don't what inspired someone to walk off with a trashcan of all things. All I know is I'm a little frustrated at having to go to Home Depot to buy a new one. I feel like buying some spraypaint too. Just so I can write all over it "This is mine."

This is starting to be a habit...

Congrats to John and Lindsey! Another bundle of joy will be coming to their house in the spring!

Something to set your watch by

In the bathroom, coming from one of the stalls. Every 5 seconds on the dot. SNIFF! I actually started timing. 5...4...3...2...1 SNIFF!!!

For pity's sake, blow your nose already.

Maybe it's time for a hearing test

A guy just walked by saying "she's the gatekeeper..."

I could have sworn he said "she's the gay peeper..."

A little etiquette

I'm happy for you all I really, really am. But I have to confess to a twinge of jealousy. I know somewhere in my early years I was taught that everyone should have their first helping before anyone can start seconds. Somehow, I thought that rule would also apply to life. I guess life is not so neat and orderly as I thought it would be when I was 6.

A big, happy congrats to Greg and Robin. Their second little angel will be making an appearance in the spring.

A new addition to the family

WAIT STOP! It's not what you're thinking. My grandmother has gotten a new dog. She's wanted a pug for quite some time. Last week I finally managed to convince her she should actually get one.

For those that don't know of it already, there's a great website out there called petfinder.org where you can search by breed, size, age, or sex of the pet you're looking for and this engine will pull up listings from local or national shelters. I look at it all the time just because they have cute puppy pictures. So on with the story...

I was looking through petfinder and came across a pug that would be arriving to a local shelter. I called about the dog, got some information, and spent the next couple of days telling my grandmother we should go see it. We got to the shelter bright and early Saturday morning and met Penelope. She was a breeder dog that didn't have puppies the last go around, and instead of putting her down, the woman at the shelter convinced the breeder it would be much better to put her up for adoption. So Penelope came home with my grandmother. And after a bath, some food and water, and deciding she would like it there, Penelope claimed us all for her very own.

I get to go visit her tonight, reacquaint her with Arrow (she met him on Saturday too), and if she's as happy to see me tonight as she was Monday evening when I stopped by, my grandmother may have to fight me for her. Of course she would get her right back, because Andy would kill me the minute I brought home a second dog!

HA!

Walking through the mall the other day I passed one of those kiosks that sit in the middle of the hallway. It was for fake hair. The kind girls clip in to make their hair look fuller, longer, curlier etc. As I was going one way a little boy and his mother was going by in the other direction. The little boy looked up, pointed and said "Look Mommy! We could buy Daddy some hair!"

It's for the birds!!!

Loyal readers may remember our strange dealings with other birds. Well, I've got a new one for the list.

I went out to my car yesterday afternoon ready to head home for the day. Sitting on the roof of my car was a fledgling swallow. On the roof of the car next to me, baby bird's parents. As I walked up to the door of my car I figured the baby bird would fly off startled and I would have no worries. WRONG. What happened was mom and dad bird decided I was out to do harm to their young and started to fly...at my head. I backed off a good twenty feet and they followed me. Backing away further they gave up and I called Andy. "What do I do? I can't get in the car? And if I could I don't want to drive off with baby still on the roof, it could fall and get hurt or run over!"

As I was talking I was edging back towards my car. No good. Mom and dad came back after. To Andy's delight I might add as I shrieked into the cell phone "They're after me!!! Ahhhh!!!" I also would like to thank my fellow employees in the parking garage who couldn't have cared less that a woman was shrieking.

Eventually, I gave up and went back into the building for 20 minutes to give the birds time to figure out how to get themselves off my car. When I came back out, baby was gone, but the parents were still hovering around. After making sure baby was no where to be found, including under the wheels of my car, I made a mad dash for it and got myself home.

I suppose it's reassuring in a way they found my car a safe place to be.

And now you're even older...

Happy Birthday to me...

Oh have you seen the muffin man?

Nag nag nag

Andy's been bragging that he's blogged more than me recently. I just haven't had much to talk about, but I can't let him win! So here's today's post, just because.

Oh...

I went to the mall yesterday and tried on some clothes. While I was in the dressing room I overheard this:

Girl in dressing room next to me: UGH! I really need to lose my gut.
Friend shopping with her: Yeah, I know what you mean. Mine needs some major work too.
Salewoman: Excuse me...I couldn't find those pants in a size 2, but I did find a 4 petite. Would that work?
Girl #1: No, a 4 is too big and petites aren't quite long enough on me.

Officious Ass

I don't know why I let this bother me so much, but it really does.

Last night we took the dog for a walk. Around the path, then up into the woods on a small trail that we've used for the past 4 years. As we got up to the small road at the end of the trail we noticed a large tree that had been struck by lightening in one of our recent storms. As we were looking at the tree a car pulled up from the house at the end of the road. The man rolled down his window and the following conversation occurred:

Him: You know you're on private property.
Us: We're just walking through and stopped to look at the tree.
Him:Well, this is private property.
Us:We've walked through here for years.
Him:Well I've never seen you before.
Us: We come up from the path through the woods
Him: All of that is private property. From those boulders on.
Us: Um...OK...thanks.

He drove off, and we continued our walk. Considering that there were no signs posted, and that it wasn't late at night, we weren't suspicious, littering, loud, teenagers making out, stalking his house, or even within 500 feet of his house... I didn't see the need to stop and inform us three distinct times that this was indeed private property. I really wish the dog had left him a present.

So long old friend

We sold my old car last night. Which is of course a good thing. But this was my first car. I've had it for 11 years. It's been a good one. Well, until the past two years, when something seemed to go wrong once a month. But all that aside, I was pretty attached to it. It really was hard not to cry when I signed the title over.

And I think (not to sound corny), that's all I have to say about that.

The world's clumsiest person

That's right folks step right up and see her. See her amazing feats of clumsitude! She is simultaneously able to fall flat on her rump while managing to both scratch her face and pop herself in the jaw with her own fist! It's amazing I tell you!

Friends are the greatest

I've been pretty down today, the weather's dreary, I'm not feeling too great. Then I get an email from my friend:

Why is it that the same woman who NEVER washes her hands after using the ladies room ALWAYS uses one of those little toilet seat covers?
I run into her often in there, and she is the singlemost reason I have started to use a paper towel to open the door before I exit.

Cheered me right up. Thanks T.

I know everyone's been a teenager but, were we REALLY like that?

Last night Andy and I went out to dinner. Sitting in the same area with us was a group of about 10 highschool kids. They were yammering too much so I couldn't catch specific quotes ala In Passing. But I can say the word 'penis' was throw around quite a few times, the word 'like' even more, as well as what seemed to be a semi-serious discussion on the merits of various Batman portrayers. All three of them.

And sadly something that sounded remarkably like "you know like one of those old 80's movies."

Even sadder, sitting there eating we both kept thinking that they were remarkably LOUD.

When did I turn in to a fogey?

You know you've been married a while when...

Inspired by my newly redesigned alumni page (kudos Dave!) I started flipping through my highschool yearbook yesterday. When I got to the G's I started looking for my picture, wondering why it wasn't there. Until I realized DUH! my maiden name started with an S. I guess this means I've adjusted well, eh?

Skidamarink a dink and ink and ink...

Arrow decided to have a little fun yesterday. With an ink pen. On the carpet in our master bedroom. Great big blotchy black blobs and little blobs from his paws down the hallway. Have I mentioned that our carpeting is cream colored?

All I can say is thank goodness for Resolve carpet cleaner, the wet vac I got for my birthday a year or so ago, and for water soluble ink.

Must...sleep...

When the alarm went off this morning I thought "If I can just feed the dog and let him out, I could go back to bed for another 45 minutes."

My clothes were already cleaned and ironed, I didn't feel the need to eat breakfast, or read the funnies, or anything else in my normal routine.

I just wanted a little more sleep.

It was definitely worth it.

Whoa...

I hadn't blogged in a few days and they changed the format on me! Everything looks clean and shiny....cool.

I ain't the only one!

See! other people do it!

Random-ness

For some reason I was thinking about the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" this morning, and the two policemen Bert and Ernie. Which of course, are also two Muppets.

Then I was wondering why Jim Henson picked those two. Did he have a fondness for that movie? Were they just good generic names? Or did Rosencrantz and Guildenstern just not flow as easily off the tongue when thinking of background characters?

What do they put in these? Crack?

I've become addicted to meatball subs. I've had one every week for the past month or so. There have been plenty of healthier options available, but when I see those meatballs waiting to be put on a bun with a lovely slice of provolone melting on top... I just can't help myself.

I can curl my tongue

I'd sort of forgotten. One of those things you don't spend a lot of time thinking about. This morning the whole way to work I curled and uncurled my tongue,

It was a fun commute.

Freebie

In a mad sugar craving without anything edible in the vending machines, I started browsing the web for delicious-ness. This is a dangerous habit of mine. It leads to buying way too many punds of Swedish Fish from Candy Warehouse or a very large bag of Chai from Box of Goodies.

This time however disaster was averted. Jelly Belly's website has a cool deal, where you fill out a survey and they send you a free sample bag of jellybeans. You have to catch it at the right time of day. They limit themselves by restricting when you can fill out the survey and change that time randomly each time. Thereby ensuring you'll visit their site alot and will eventually give them personal information.

Ok, well I did, and yesterday I got my free bag in the mail.

Yum. Yum and free. Can't get any better.

Ummm...

Bottled water that's been bottled in Tennessee can hardly be termed "alpine spring water" can it?

Somehow this seems wrong

Our forecast for this week.

London's forecast for this week.

The country known for damp, chilly weather is doing better than we are.

Why is it...

That men who wear socks with Tivas are also the same ones that wear loafers without them?

Why?

Does flat Coke tastes like gherkin pickle juice?

I miss the good ol' days

Trying to explain a work situation last night to Andy, I felt like I had to drag out the finger puppets to better describe who these people were and how many were involved.

I really missed the days when we used to work together and all I had to say was "You wouldn't believe what happened with HER today." No need to explain who HER was. No need for backstory. No need to explain previous conflicts. Just simple introduction and I could launch into my story.

Now that I think about it I'm not sure if I miss the shared experience or if I've just gotten lazy.

A trip down nostalgia lane

A friend and I recently made a trip back to our old stomping grounds, St. Mary's College. They've changed so much, and yet some things stayed the same. The smell of the dorms for one. Amazing that we could have forgotten that smell. Amazing that we could have lived four years of our lives in it.

The most hear-wrenching experience of the day though was seeing the new cafeteria. Easily 3 or 4 times the size of the one in our days. Big and beautiful, done in a sort of refined hunting lodge style.

I wondered if they still serve Italian Delight. A delicacy served to us repeatedly, that involved the previous night's pasta dish and a freshly opened can of corn. Mixed together. Yes, on purpose. When asked about it, the cafeteria workers' response was "it's the corn that makes it delightful."

Ever wonder why...

People work so hard to keep bugs out of their yard and then buy fake bugs to put out there instead?

YOW!

I've never been a Listerine fan. Sure and occasional Scope user, but never the heavy duty stuff.

Last night at the grocery store Andy expressed the desire to purchase Listerine. Ok. No Problem. During bedtime prep, between flossing and brushing I decided to give the stuff a whirl. It was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. No, I know what you're thinking, the taste. Actually they've succeeded in making it taste like slightly medicine-y mint, instead of medicine that had a mint leaf passed over it.

No, it was the burning. They say to gargle for 30 seconds. I barely made 15. Every inch of my mouth felt like it was on fire. My eyes watered up. My mouth opened involuntarily as if to say "Get this crap out!!"

This morning wasn't quite as rough. I made a whole 25 seconds before I couldn't take it. Maybe you build up an immunity eventually. One thing though, I won't laugh at that episode of The Osbornes anymore.

Third time's the charm

I've been schedule for a third polygraph next month. These things are going to be old hat by the time I'm done.

You know I've never thought of myself as shifty or untrustworthy, apparently I look sneaky!

The things I saw on Mulberry Street
(ok, it was really the mall)

Andy and I hit the mall last night and number of things struck me funny.

The "woman's" section directly across an aisle from the petites. First, how bad would that make someone feel? And second when they set up the store what were they thinking? Here's where we should put the clothes for people that don't fit in "normal" clothes?

The 15-16 year old in the bathroom having a conversation with her mother that went something like this:
Girl: But with the necklace, earrings, and bracelet it would only be $500...
Mom: I do NOT have $500 to spend on jewlery right now.
Girl: But mom this would last me the rest of my life!

Ok two things with this one. One, the conversation reminded me of a four year old asking for a toy. But mom it could be my birthday and Christmas presents! Same conversation, different toy. Two, who asks their mother for $500 worth of ANYTHING 3 days before Mother's day. Aren't you supposed to be thinking of what to get mom?

And finally an appalling number of flip flops. Everyone under the age of 21 seemed to be wearing a pair. Not the $0.99 kind. The $20 kind from name-brand stores! Who pays $20 for two pieces of foam?

Slowly pulling out my hair

Human nature always amazes me. I've been putting together a set of trainings here at work. A deadline was established for people to sign up. That deadline was April 25th. Classes actually started last Friday.

I'm still getting phone calls this morning from people wanting to sign up. And people are amazed that the classes they want are full.

Having seconds

Congrats to Tina and Jason! A second bundle of joy will be gracing their lives soon.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

I went down to the cafeteria to get lunch. With my tray of food I was given a scratch off card. I got back to my desk and scratched.

I won!!! What did I win?

I went back downstairs to claim my prize. What did I win? A CD carrying case with Tony the Tiger and Snap, Crackle and Pop on it.

SCORE!

'Twas the Pride of the Peaches

Arrow went to the vet yesterday. He's been chewing on his arms and his ears were dirty and his nails needed a good clipping.

The arm chewing the vet suspected was allergies. Great, so not only do Andy and I both have unbearable hay fever, we have a dog that's allergic to outside as well. The vet gave us doggie antihistimines. No I'm not lying.

The nail clipping went well, aside from the squirming.

The ears are infected. Happens a lot with dogs that have floppy ears. But whatever the vet put in them smelled. Like peaches.

Call me crazy but dogs shouldn't smell like fruit.

Notes

I was trying to be clever and link to a previous post I'd written about the strangeness of my notes. I can't seem to remember when I wrote it so, oh well. I tend to write strange things down when I'm taking notes to myself. For example today, what the note meant was "Talk to Y about the meeting tomorrow. Explain that D has called the meeting and find out what items should go on the agenda."

What I wrote down to remember this by was the following: "Y, D must have meeting. What an agenda."

Happy day

I've been spoiled today. It's admin. day. I've never worked anywhere before that celebrated. It's a very nice feeling. Like an extra birthday.

U2

If you wanna kiss the sky better learn how to kneel. On your knees boy!

Whew!

Things have been crazy for me lately. Work has been making my head spin. Which is a good thing because I hate being bored, but it has kept me from taking a few minutes aside to blog.

Not much out of the ordinary has been happening lately. We've been struggling to get gigantic clumps of ornamental grass out of the ground so I can plant my roses when they arrive next month. And the rest of the yard, the backyard especially, needs some serious help. How do dandelions grow so fast?

Lots more on my want/have to do list. It comes close to rivaling Ken's.

Hopefully, I'll have more fun stories soon. Well, as soon as my phone stops ringing off the hook!

He's Back

Our good friend the woodpecker. This morning the house rang with the lovely noise of BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ouch

Have you ever had something happen to you, where right before it happpened you said to yourself, "You know this will probably happen."

Ok, I'm being too vague.

My grandmother just gave me a lovely little carved set of camels. Carved from olive wood from Jerusalem. Long story behind where the camels came from, so I won't get into it. In any case they were for my Easter basket and last night she presented them to me. The camels were following a rider on a donkey and the whole set of four was linked together with some tiny little chain and little steel tacks. When I went to set them up on my tchatchke shelf by the staircase I noticed they wouldn't stand up. The chain between the donkey and the first camel was too short. Not to mention a very small chunk of the first camel's leg had broken off during production (I know it was then because the bottom of the short leg was shellacked).

So feeling industrious because the spring weather has me feeling "project-y" I decided to take some needle nose pliers and swap out the first camel for the second. The second camel had a longer chain and then the poor short legged camel could sort of hang suspended in the middle of the row.

In the process of pulling out the tacks I noticed they were very sharp. And just as I was pulling out the last tack I had that split second thought of "This will pull out too hard and go straight into my palm." Damned if it didn't. Not to worry folks, it's just a flesh wound. But it was bizarre the way it happened. Maybe it was common sense kicking in just a half a second too late. Or maybe I'm just a very slow psychic.

Anyway the camels stand up now.

Ummm...ok

Busy Executive on the subject of the Atkin's diet:"They really consider bacon a protein?"

It ain't easy being tween

I've discovered I'm a tween. At least as far as clothes go. I'm too old for the kids stores that I used to frequent. I'm too young for the old people stores that seem to be the only places any more that carry clothes that fit me. I'm too big for a size 10, but I swim in a size 12. I'm too tall for petite pants, but regular length pants require cuffing at least twice or an additional $30 for a trip to the tailor. I'm not tall enough for this season's mid-calf length skirt to look anything but frumpy, but skirts that are any shorter seem to make me look as if I'm heading to work...on the nearest street corner.

I'm fully fed up with clothes, the people who make them, and the six foot, size 2 models that wear them.

I should also mention that shoes are rapidly falling from grace. I've been actively looking for a nice pair of navy blue dress shoes for about 2 years.

Maybe it's time to join a nudist colony.

Growing up

I once heard a comedian that referred to the United States as the 14 year old of the world. We think we're the best thing ever and we're always right. It seemed like a pretty good analogy to me. When 9-11 happened one of the first things I thought was "We've just been dumped." And what does a 14 year do when they get dumped? Cry a lot and then get sulky. And then think of a way to get revenge.

Hmmm...still sounds like a good analogy to me.

No more noise!!

buh-dooo...buh-dooo...buh-dooo

dee dee dee dee dee DEE dee...dee dee dee dee dee DEE dee...dee dee dee dee dee DEE dee

brrrrrrrrrreeee...brrrrrrrrrreeee...brrrrrrrrrreeee

All at once as a regular phone, pager, and cell phone rang.

ALL AT ONCE!

A new pet

Well, not really. We spent half of this weekend dealing with our ornamental grass. I don't care what you hear from anyone, ornamental grass is a lot of work. So Sunday was chopping day. After the Pampas grass came down, we sat down to rest for a minute. I happened to look over to see a tiny tiny tiny little gray bit of fluff. Baby mouse. It scuttled under a plant and a minute later along came mom. Poor mom scurried back and forth from her old home under our Pampas grass to the new home under the dog's favorite bathroom bush. Each trip back another baby followed her. Eventually they were settled, and now the dog has to be taken out front to take care of business. It's bad enough I've robbed them of one home without polluting their new one.

We have chickens here?

Busy executive1: Well, thanks for coming by to meet with me today.
Busy executive 2: Oh certainly. It's always a pleasure.
Busy executive1: Let me walk you back down to the security desk.
Busy executive 2: No need! We have free range.

There's a Waldo

Don't ask me. That's just what came out of Andy's mouth this morning while he was sleeping. A lot better than yesterday's "skin skin skin skin" though. Maybe my dreams about Little Kitty Face aren't that bad after all.

Um...again?

It's snowing. It won't stick. It's too warm. But still...

Birds R Us

Apparently birds like us.

In college we found a hurt dove by the side of the road, and between us, a few trips to the vet, and some very interesting manuevers to get antibiotics in it's little beak, we got it healthy and in flying condition again.

For a couple of years we had baby birds in our garage. They had migrated down from our attic where the nest was, and hopped/flew madly around our little garage until we convinced them outside was a much better place to be.

This morning however has to be the most bizarre bird incident ever (well, barring the hawk's head on the deck which I won't go into now). I let the dog out this morning and heard scurrying in our AC fan. Thinking a mouse had decided our fan would make a wonderful winter home, I peaked in. Imagine my surprise when a little bird flapped up and clung to the bars covering the top of the fan. I looked all over the fan unit. There were no holes. How in the hell the bird got in there in the first place I've yet to figure out. But it remained he was stuck, and with no hole to lure him out of we had to do something to get him out.

I ran upstairs and woke Andy up. Of course, waking up, trying to comprehend what seems an impossibility is not a fun way to start your day. See our woodpecker story for more details. But up he got and we unscrewed the lid and let the little beast out. I should mention it was 20 degrees this morning. I should also mention this was at 6:15 AM.

But the little angel's lose and safe. That's the important thing.

Teehee, you said fart!

I'm not sure how the subject came up exactly last night. But Andy asked if anyone had ever farted in my Pilates class. Well of course they have. You start twisting in strange positions early in the morning just a little after breakfast and something's going to happen.

Apparently, this is the funniest thing in the world. I guess you just have to be a boy to appreciate it.

He has an honest face

My boy seems to be one those people that other people trust. Can't say that I question them on their judgement of him, it just leads to some unusual situations.

For example you ask? We have yet to make a trip to Best Buy without someone asking his opinion on this or that DVD player, this or that software, this or that movie... you get the idea. Same thing happens at Home Depot. "What kind of screws would you use to hang up something big?"

Funnily enough the concert the other night was no exception. We were sitting up on the balcony waiting for the show to start. A man in his early 40's turns to Andy and asks if we've seen TMBG before. Or something to that effect. Bits of conversation flew back and forth the rest of the night. We found out he was a fan, but he was there because his 14 year old son and friends wanted to go to the concert. We found out he lived in VA. We found all sorts of interesting tidbits. Never so much that it was distracting from the show, or to make you think "WHY won't this lunatic leave us alone?" It was very pleasant.

However, I'm still trying to decide which is the most unusual. That random people like talking to my husband, or that I'm no longer surprised by it.

So long

I helped Andy pack up his office this weekend. Well, the stuff he hadn't already brought home. Walking around the hallways, seeing things so empty, and seeing his office cleaned out was one of the most depressing things I've ever seen.

Six years...gone.

More TMBG!

Andy's birthday was Saturday, the old fart! And part of his present was tickets to TMBG Saturday night. Woohoo!!! The last time we went to see them their opening act was a band called "Sapphire Bullets." Which actually turned out to be them, and they played all their old stuff. We wound up getting almost 4 hours worth of Giants on the stage.

This time the opening band was "Moldy Peaches" and all I can say is that you are ever anywhere that they are performing RUN! RUN AWAY! We had better stuff at Javahouse, our weekly open mic night at school. She only sang 4 songs. That was plenty.

Then the real show started. It was awesome as always. Got to hear some old favorites, and some new ones. A most excellent present if I do say so myself!

And the snow snow snow came down down down

UGH!!!

Please, no more!

Another storm is heading our way with the promise of another foot of snow. All I can think about is how nice a beach sounds right now.

Mmmmm palm trees, warm sand, sunshine...

Something I miss

When you travel to another country and watch their translation of US shows. My favorite?

Rocko's Modernes Leben (Rocko's Modern Life) courtesy of Germany.

Ich bin Meister Glücklich!

Would you like a balloon?

There's a house on the road that I take to work everyday. Well the driveway to a house. Once a week, fresh mylar balloons appear tied to a stick next to the driveway of this house. This past week heart shaped, Happy Valentine's day balloons. The week before was Elmo. The week before was a ladybug. They stay there until they deflate and a few days later fresh ones appear.

The stick is almost completely covered in frayed remains of ribbon.

This is obviously a long standing tradition.

Nothing to say really...

Just really think Alton is super cool. Sort of the Mr. Wizard of cooking, in a slightly hokey, retro, and vaguely anal way.

But what will I do without my blankie?

OK so I've outgrown my blankie, but I seem to have acquired a new crutch in it's stead. Wherever I go at work I take a pen and a pad of paper with me, well mostly just a pen, unless I know notes of some kind will actually be required. You may think that's a professional thing to do. Most of the time it is a help. You never know if you're going to need a pen. Say the boss calls you into her office and asks you to take care of a few things, you want to jot those down so you'll remember them all, right? Or if you go to send a fax and find, not surprisingly, the pen that's ALWAYS by the fax has been borrowed and you have to go back to your desk to write the cover sheet.

The problem is I've never noticed before how addicted I am to carrying my pen around. Until today when I walked down the hall to chat with a friend. And took my pen. I walked into the kitchen to get a cup of tea. And took my pen. The very worst though was about 10 minutes ago when I went to the bathroom. And, you got it, took my pen.

Sounds like a new habit to break.

I've decided

I'm definitely not a snowbaby. I'm much more of a beachbunny. I've never in my life seen this much snow

A most surreal experience

My new job requires a security clearance. "Tickets" to use the popular slang. The process involves a polygraph. I went for that on Monday.

Getting there was no problem, despite the snow. Getting in to the visitor center and getting a visitor's badge was no problem. In fact there was no real problem with anything. The experience as a whole was not unpleasant. The weird part was the actual polygraph test.

First, I was LARGELY dissapointed. Polygraphs are now digital. So I didn't get to watch little needles tracking me as I answered. Second, they track your blood pressure changes. To do this you had to wear a blood pressure cuff. Inflated. For about a five minute stretch at a time. Several times over.

The hardest part though, was sitting all hooked up, facing a door, waiting for the gentleman to ask me the next question, while trying to focus on not fidgeting, not breathing heavily (rather hard with the asthma), and not zoning out, while staring at a grey doorknob in a room that was 3 shades of gray.

Hopefully I passed and I won't have to repaet the whole process.

More snow for the mountain Daddy!!

Shrieked the 3 year-old atop his massive pile of snow. As Daddy dutifully continued shovelling the driveway.

Thanks for the tip

My lifelong questions have been answered by the epitome of femininity that I had the opportunity to view yesterday.

Apparently a female version of The Mullet is not flattering. Nor is eyeshadow that matches the color of your blazer.

Amazing

In just three short years of hard work Dubya has finally beaten his daddy. At a record deficit.

This one's for you, Pato

I've been hooked by the media masses. I've become an American Idol Junkie. I actually know the contestants' names. I know some of their backgrounds. I have favorites that I'm rooting for. Last year I couldn't have given a flying fig. This year is entirely different.

Part of it is peer pressure. The girls at the office watch it and so I want to be able to talk about it with them. Part of it is just succumbing to the media. Which for the most part I've avoided. I never saw the Blair Witch Project, I never saw Pulp Fiction, I never saw several other things that have become mainstays of Pop culture, and honestly I don't feel the loss.

Feel free to laugh at me. Feel free to send Andy sympathy cards. And I'll feel free to gloat my little head off if Julia or Patrick wins!

How hard could it be?

We went to Friendly's last night for dinner, and while we were waiting for our sundaes I was reminded of another dining experience. Back about 9 years ago we were eating at an IHOP. I asked for a hot fudge sundae after our lunch. The waitress wrote it down and walking away into the kitchen, starting muttering to herself. "A hot fudge sundae. Now how do I do that?"

Sounds good to me

You're never too fat to buy a new purse.
-Nia Vardalos

HAHAHA

Too funny.

Clever marketing always amuses me.

Huh?

So, our favorite store had a warehouse sale this weekend. We went last year, but not until Sunday afternoon and it was like a ghost town when we got there. This year we went on Saturday to see what we could see. We needed a new end table for the living room, but when we got there the only wooden furniture left looked like it had been worked over by a mafia goon. Looking around, we wandered to where the sofas and chairs were, and started sitting around in the chair and a half chairs.

Well I really like them, but the fabric is kinda thin, will it wear out fast? We don't really need one, but it would finish out the basement. What do you think? What do you think? Ok let's get one.

Now the fun began. Which chairs of the 8 that were there were wobbly, not wobbly, marked up, clean, more worn out than others, chocolate or beige fabric... We found a winner. Let's tip it up to make sure the bottom doesn't have a hole. BLOOMP. Two of the feet fell off. We had this problem with our old couch. I set the couch down without having one of the feet screwed all the way in and it pushed in the sleeve. It's fixable, but I didn't want to buy a chair, regardless of how much off it was, that we had to fix.

So let's look at the others some more. This one's good, doesn't wobble, the feet stay on, no marks , scuffs or holes. I sit in it. Andy asks, did you like the back cushion on the other better? Well yes. Go swap it. I race across the room. Did you like the other seat cushion better? Well yeah...Go swap it.

After we got it put together we wound up with a lovely chair.

Now the fun part. The loading dock is about an hour behind, so we could sit around and wait, or we could haul the chair off ourselves. Off we hauled. From one end of the warehouse to the other. Slowly, because I'm a weakling. Once we got close to the ramp, we set the chair down and I sat in it, while Andy went to get the car.

As I was sitting waiting a woman came up and starting looking the chair over, ignoring me completely. Then she got to the big sign on it that said PAID, and mumbled to herself "Oh! Someone's already got that one."

It always amazes me, how weird people are.

Trying to be a Pilate hottie

In class this morning:
Instructor: Ok we're going do shoulder bridges now. Lay on your back.
Me: *laying*
I: Slowly tilt your hips upward so you're balancing on your shoulders
M: *balancing wobbily*
I: Now hold it
M: *holding*
I: Now lift your right leg up off the floor and hold it straight out at knee height
M: *straining but managing to balance*
I: Now kick that leg up in the air on my counts 1 and 2 and 3 and 4
M: *um ok*
I: Now lower your leg and bend at the knee, but don't let your foot touch the floor. Counting down 10-9-8-7-6....
Woman across the aerobics room: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amen sister

It's official

It's colder than ass here.

HUH???

I just don't get it.

Apparently my inner European is:


What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

Why?

Are bathrooms a good 15 degrees colder than anywhere else in a building?

Um...wight

Maybe I'm not quite ready to join my folks in Australia. Not if this and this are everyday problems at work.

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man

I never heard the word "embiggen" until I moved to Springfield.
Why not? It's a perfectly cromulent word.

Nuff said.

Um...ew

Someone, somewhere, in the sea of cubes near me, is eating what smells like heated dog food.

Company shindig

As a new employee I really feel I should go and schmooze. Should I go though?

Would require the following:
- purchase of ticket for husband = $15
- dragging husband somewhere he REALLY doesn't want to go = too expensive to list
- parking = $12
- new dress that actually fits on body = $100-ish
- drinks to have fun at cash bar = $4.50 EACH

Very torn on whole situation...

So I was writing this really cool blog...

And I hit the publish button, and the computer ate it! And I was like...







eh?

The cutest little things

These are a collection of really sweet little games. Of course I'm a girly girl so I think they're adorable.

TMBG

Bangs
To drape across your forehead
To swing concordant angles as you incline your head

This is a snippet from one of my favorite songs by TMBG. The song is on a mix CD that my husband recently put together for me. Happy fun music to go in the new car. My first car ever with a CD player actually built in. All of the songs reminded me of various things. Istanbul - that time he sang it with the SMCMen. The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas - the terrific time we had at their concert last Halloween. Mr. Excitement - how funny it is that "cafe con pain" gets stuck in our head for days whenever we hear the song.

Any time I hear a They Might Be Giants song I'm reminded of the first time I heard their music, junior year of high school. I'd borrowed a tape from a friend, and put it into the cassette player of my car, while driving, with my parents, to a swim meet. I Palindrome I was the first song out and happened to be just after the start of the song. The first lyrics I was ever to hear were "You son of a bitch" and the last for quite a while since my parents promptly leaned over and ejected the tape.

But Bangs brings back so many happy memories for me. It reminds me of my dear friend and her constant struggle with "Should I have bangs or not?" Waking up at 2 AM in college and catching her with the scissors I had hidden from her after a depsarate plea of "don't let me cut them again!" I think you look beautiful with or without them T!

It also reminds me of my honeymoon. I was determined to cut off the long length of hair I'd grown for the wedding. Finding a good salon in London was challenge number one. Understanding some British slang was number two. Since the stylist asked, did I really mean red hair? Oh you mean copper colored! When I showed what tints I wanted. And after I'd shown her a picture of what cut I wanted, whether I'd like a "fringe." Was she going to shred my clothing for me? A fringe??? OHHHHH you mean bangs! No none for me thanks. Then the girls at the salon went into a conversation about a fancy dress ball they were going to and one of them was going as Angelica with her hair "in bunches." I've never had such a fun time. Or such a hard time convincing anyone that my husband wouldn't be mad if they were to cut off all my lovely hair!

Funny what you associate things with isn't it?

Did I do that?

I'm a worrier. Always have been. I don't like being late to things, in case I miss something or offend someone. I get nervous around knives in the off chance that they will leap from my hands and manage to cut off a toe. I tend to think of everything that could possibly happen, worst case scenario.

This helps in some ways. I'm always over prepared. Which has come in handy on occassion (see spinal tap puking incident). But sometimes I wonder if thinking about these types of things might actually make them more likely to happen. If I'm nervous holding a knife that makes me shakier and more likely to drop it doesn't it?

I've always wondered about that stadium full of people concentrating on a tree to make it burst into flames concept. Or to quote pop culture, the scene in The Matrix when the oracle tells Neo not to worry about the vase he's about to break. Did he break it because it was fortold, or because she made him nervous about it?

A few years back Andy was out of town on a business trip, and for whatever reason the worry that stuck in my head all week was "What if I get in a car accident? Who would I call to help me?" It kept popping back in my head over and over every time I got in the car to go anywhere. Until finally the day before he was due back, someone rear-ended me. It actually turned out to be a co-worker, and neither car was damaged in any way, since it happened at about 5 mph. The one thing that I found so odd was what he kept repeating over and over after the initial "I'm so sorry." His wife had told she'd had problems with the brakes and he'd been worrying about hitting someone all week.

Good Guesser

Andy's always been able to guess his gifts. I don't know if he's just incredibly observant or if he just spent too much time hunting down Christmas presents as a kid.

Me, I like the surprise of things. I like surprising people with things. Like two years ago when I got a cutwork tablecloth for my grandmother. I even roped my sister in to steer her away from any sort of tablecloth browsing between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The moment when she opened that present and it was exactly what she wanted was incredibly gratifying. I love surprise parties, though I've never had one (big HINT here sweetie), I love that thrill and shock of opening something and finding out what it is.

Andy on the other hand likes guessing. Granted, I'm a bad liar and give away more than I should. But the thrill for him is noodling something out. I've yet to suprise him with anything I've bought him.

Take two years ago, I bought him a telescope. I paid for it on a separate card so he wouldn't look at the bill, wrapped it as soon as I got it, and slipped it under the tree. Now with just two us, it's hard not to notice a big box appearing under our Christmas tree. He asked if could shake it. I answered yes, but not vigorously. He tilted the box and declared It's a telescope! And that smaller box is it's stand! After I'd finished cursing him, I asked how he knew. He said he heard the styrafoam sliding againt the cardboard of the box. Yes, the styrafoam!

This year, he guessed in a slightly different way. He wanted a particular DVD player, so I ordered it. Christmas day, he opened it and got a big grin. Then brought down the indentical player from his office. It apparently had gone super sale and just in case he read me wrong he wanted to make sure he got it.

A few days after Christmas I found the perfect gift for him. A boxed DVD set of all the episodes of Black Adder. Being the impatient goose that I am I mentioned that I found him a great present, but it would have to wait for his birthday. He tried to tease the information out of me for about a day, then didn't mention it again. The very next day he started pulling episodes of Black Adder off the internet. Called me into his office and said look isn't this great? After watching various episodes over the past week I finally caved in last night and told him.

You've already ruined your birthday present.

They're everywhere!

Congratulations to Ken, Jenn and their brand new baby boy, Cambell Ray!

There's just something completely unsatisfying about a frozen meal for lunch

Still not much going on. Post holiday blues I guess. Tried to start the diet again today. About an hour ago I caved and ate a big bag of Doritos and a double decker moon-pie and washed it down with a 20 oz bottle of Squirt.

I guess it's back to the gym tonight.

Writer's block

I've been really stuck lately. A lot has been going on but I haven't had anything to say. It all seems exciting to me, but I haven't been able to package it in a way that I would find it interesting to read about if I were reading it on someone else's blog. So it's been pretty dry here lately and I apologize.

I got to catch up with my friend Pato (long story on the nickname, that doesn't even make sense to me anymore) and his wife, earlier this week. We all had a lovely time out a dinner, and Andy enjoyed showing off his new toys.

I also noticed Andy's picked up some interesting slang. He must have said "It's sick" about 10 times the other night, when describing his new dvd player, a particular movie, some function of the dvd player that was especially cool, etc. All this is blamed on The Sports Junkies who grew up around PG county, and now have their talk show on HFS in the mornings. They're on when Andy's alarm goes off in the morning and slowly work their way into his subconscious.

We both find the show entertaining even though I know nothing of sports, but these guys grew up where we grew up, two of them went to the high school we went to. And the majority of the show is them cutting each other down, or talking about their wife and kids, or this morning about the contents of their closets. Eventually they really do talk about sports, but I'm always still laughing from earlier segments that I don't notice they've slipped it in.

But back to the slang. They use words such as sick, silly (pronouced suhhhlly), money, it's a show, hurting, it's a lock, stupid, dude, zippy chance, and donkey. Repeatedly. With many variations I know I'm leaving out. And these are working their way into our vocabulary. In a few more months we'll both sound like an 80's sitcom re-run.

So if you're in the area you should really check them out, and if you run into me please pardon my hurting vocabulary. It's a show.