Feelings are like pantyhose, once they've been stretched out they're never quite the same...

I've always tried to keep my feelings under control. All nice and neat in a little box so that they can be released appropriately.

Since we've lost Stuart I feel like the box I was keeping them in has exploded and bits and pieces have gone everywhere. I've been trying to pick them up and put them back into a new box.

Unfortunately, it seems like my box has shrunk, and now it's like trying to get the pantyhose back into the little plastic egg they came in. Once you've had them out, they won't go back in.

I keep losing little pieces of Sad, Angry, and Frustrated all over the place. They pop out when I don't want them to and I have a much harder time putting them away again.

So my apologies for being so random with my feelings lately. I've got L'eggs but I don't know how to use them.

I've done it

I dressed up a little more today than I usually do, tights, heels, skirt, etc. I also stopped and got a cup of coffee on my way in to work. As I was going in to the shop, an older man in a nice suit and tie stopped in his tracks and gave me the hairy eyeball.

Ladies and Gentlemen...I've achieved MILF-dom!

I never knew...

How many different types of sympathy cards existed.

How short 45 days could feel.

How someone so tiny could touch so many people.

How many people there are out there that care about us.

How badly this was going to hurt.

How badly it would hurt me to see Andy in so much pain.

How good it would make me feel to think back on the time we did have together.

How I could learn to love one tiny person so much, in such a short amount of time.


Thank you sweet little boy, you've taught me so much already. I'll keep trying to learn.